i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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