She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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