hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
