He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
