i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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