god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
