They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
