I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
