she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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