I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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