I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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