I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
