Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
