i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
