Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
