you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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