so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
