ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
