I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
