You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
