Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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