I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
