you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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