God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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