also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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