My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
