One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
