I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
