how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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