So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
