God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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