I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize