You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
