my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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