Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize