i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
