i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
