im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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