My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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