Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
