Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
