unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
