so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
