I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
