I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
