She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
