at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
