batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
