Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
