So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
