Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
