This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
