I think I am morally bankrupt
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
