Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
