i wish my penis had a tongue
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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