All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
