That's intense
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
