yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
