We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I cockslap morals
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
