I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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