he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
