so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
