Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
