Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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