pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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