community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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