I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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