im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
